I'm an addict and food is my crack.
It really is true that food IS an addiction. I'm sure people look at me all the time and think, "Geesh, lay off the Butterfingers and fries, fatty." A thin, healthy person who has never struggled with their weight probably thinks it should just be easy to start eating right and exercising. How hard could it be?
Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm only on day 2 of the junk food detox, and it sucks. It's hard. Last night all I could think of was a Butterfinger flurry from the dairy queen. I even visualized myself driving to get one at our favorite ice cream stand, and of course on this visualized drive, I had to drive right by Taco Bell. So then my mind was on a chicken burrito and nachos with cheese. It took everything I had not to go get them both. Then I actually contemplated digging the oreos out of the trash that I threw away the day before. Desperate? Maybe. Instead, I went into the kitchen and grabbed some grapes and a few cubes of cheese to go with my water.
The good thing is I mananged to squash the craving for the bad food, and I made a healthy choice. Me: 1. Junk Food: 0. In fact, I haven't had a bite of unhealthy food since the McDonald's I ate for lunch when my whole revelation occurred that I needed to do something about my food addiction and weight. I haven't even had a sip of diet pop in 48 hours. If you know me, you know that is just plain unheard of. Two days might seem like nothing, but to an addict, 48 hours is a looooong time to go without a drug. Yes, I know food isn't a drug. But I'm telling you, I feel like I'm going through withdraw. Food was my drug. Maybe it still is, but I'm learning how to overcome the addiction.
I know it'll get better in time. Maybe someday my dreams at night will revolve around running a 5K and eating some spinach like Popeye, but right now I'm dreaming of double cheeseburgers and burritos. And I'll have to settle for only tasting those foods in my dreams.
Wyatt keeps me straight. Yesterday morning he cut up a banana for my breakfast while I was letting the dogs out, and when I tucked him in last night, he said, "Now, don't eat anything bad, Mommy. Drink water and maybe have some grapes." God love that kid--he really does remind me why I'm doing this. He even offered to try a bite of carrots at lunch today because "they're healthy." He spit them out when I wasn't looking. But at least he tried. I think that is what makes this all worth it. The kids are already trying to follow my example. They were dancing around for exercise this morning, and then Wyatt made me promise we'd walk to the post office later.
Detox sucks. No doubt about it. But I know that once I get over these first weeks, I won't even crave the foods I use to crave. I keep repeating to myself that I'm in control--food is something I only need to eat to sustain my body, not ruin it. And I need to keep making healthy choices. I'm going to overcome this food addiction one healthy choice at a time.